I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
