What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
