and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
