Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize