My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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