I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
