I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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