I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Randomize
