New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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