mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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