Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
