This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Randomize
