i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
