just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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