She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
