I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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