Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
