Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize