a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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