i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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