She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
