I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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