You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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