i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
