Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
