Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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