a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
