watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
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