he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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