Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
