So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
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