Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
