This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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