READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
