I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
