I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
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