she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
