And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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