I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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