I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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