She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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