drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
