You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
