he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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