My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
