I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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