How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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