sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize