I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
