New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I AM VODKA MAN
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
