If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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