i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
