i jhust puked up my retainher.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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