we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
