i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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