Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Randomize
