I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
