Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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