she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
