This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
