somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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