My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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