im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
