you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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