I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
