return my video game
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
