I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
