Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
