Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
