i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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