at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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