Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
