don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
