I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
