suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
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