just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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