Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
