Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
