Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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