Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
